Emotional
intelligence predicts people’s ability to regulate themselves, manage other
people, and achieve success. In simple terms: Emotional Intelligence is being
smart with feelings. It’s about using our full capacity –integrating thinking
and feeling so we can get great results. Research shows a link between
emotional intelligence and career success. Equally, world widely, emotional
intelligence is correlated with career advancement. Ironically, globally people
are more emotionally volatile, less self-motivated and less compassionate-maybe
they are starting to think more about themselves. The events of the world
showing all kinds of atrocities against humanity can demonstrate that people
are becoming less and less compassionate and sympathetic.
It
is noted that not everyone is born with EQ, but unlike IQ, emotional
intelligence can be developed and improved with practice. So, how can we tell
if someone’s got it or not? Here are some signs of people with emotional
intelligence.
1.
Open-mindedness.
To
be open minded according to Cambridge Dictionary is willing to consider ideas
and opinions that are new or different to your own. It’s all about been
receptive to new and different ideas or the opinions even if it takes us into
cognitive dissonance. Thus, a high level of self-awareness lets
emotionally-intelligent people listen to a situation without reacting to
judgment or been judgmental. They don’t automatically dismiss ideas or views just
because they are different from their own. The
question is how do you react to new ideas or to
more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values? E.g. if you are strong believer that
democracy is the best form of Government and someone comes and say that
actually democracy does not lead to solidarity, prosperity and liberty but to
social conflict, runaway spending and a tyrannical government. Your response
will tell whether you are emotionally intelligent or not.
2.
Embrace
change
Emotionally
intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that
fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness.
They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a
plan of action should these changes occur.
3.
Good listeners.
It
is often said that, “the biggest communication problem is we do not listen to
understand. We listen to reply.” According to Stephen Covey in his book
entitled 7 Habits of Highly Effective People-they seek first to understand,
then be understood.
If you're like most people, you
probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in
doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you're
listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or
attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely.
So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply,
not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you
are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter
everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference.
Great
listening requires a developed listening structure that separates the facts from
interpretations, reactions and ends. People with emotional intelligence can
identify the emotions that shut down their ability to listen. They’ve worked at
developing the ability to divorce themselves from those emotions so they can
remain open and able hear what is really being said.
4.
Avoid negative self-talk in its tracks
The
more you meditate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of
our negative thoughts are just that–thoughts, not facts. When it feels like
something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural tendency
to perceive threats (inflating the frequency or severity of an event).
Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of
negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.
5. Handle criticism objectively without
denial, blame, excuses or anxiety.
One
of the trademarks of high emotional intelligence is self-awareness. Self-awareness
is a deep understanding of what makes us tick; what angers us, makes us happy,
bores and interests us. It’s also means that we can appraise ourselves,
faults and all, with great honesty and clarity. So when people with high
emotional intelligence make a mistake and get criticized for it, it doesn’t
send them into an emotional nose-dive. It’s simply a fact to be noted, analyzed
and corrected. Some people deal with it more emphatically, and instantly wonder
“Why did this person just criticize me?” And they seek to understand “what does
this criticism mean for our working relationship moving forward?” Others handle
criticism more like a process engineer looking to root-cause a product defect,
systematically dissecting every step leading up to the thing they just got
criticized for. Their first thought is “I need to figure out exactly what went
wrong.” Another good question is, “How Do You React To Constructive
Criticism?”
According
Mark Murphy (NY Times bestseller), he pointed out that, “regardless of the
exact nature of their reaction, people with high emotional intelligence
do not deny it, blame others, make excuses or melt into a pool of anxiety.” If you’ve ever heard people say,
“That rule doesn’t apply to me” or “My performance was just fine” (when it
clearly wasn’t), you’ve witnessed denial. These are folks who are so defensive
and their egos are so fragile, that they’re simply not ready for feedback. They
are, in effect, saying, “There’s no problem; my performance was absolutely fine.”
6.
Speak the truth even if it hurts.
Mahatma
Gandhi said, “Many people especially ignorant people, want to punish you for
speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for being
correct or being years ahead of your time. If you are right and you know it,
speak your mind. Speak your mind even if you are a minority of one. The truth
is still the truth”.
Emotional
intelligence requires recognizing emotions in others, but this other awareness
doesn’t mean shying away from speaking the truth or using tricks to try and
soften the blow of tough feedback. People with emotional intelligence know how
important it is that tough messages get heard. If any employee is not meeting
the targets, you have to simply tell them the truth that they if no improvement
is recorded, your career here is in jeopardy. No need to sugarcoat poor
performance, call a spade a spade. Poor is poor and good is good.
7.
Apologize for their mistakes.
Almost
like magic, apology has the power to repair harm, mend relationships, soothe
wounds and heal broken hearts. Apology is not just a social nicety. It is an
important ritual, a way of showing respect and empathy for the wronged person.
Apology has the ability to disarm others of their anger and to prevent further
misunderstandings. While an apology cannot undo harmful past actions, if done
sincerely and effectively, it can undo the negative effects of those actions. Apology
is crucial to our mental and even physical health. Research shows that receiving
an apology has a noticeable, positive physical effect on the body. An apology
actually affects the bodily functions of the person receiving it—blood pressure
decreases, heart rate slows and breathing becomes steadier.
People
with high emotional intelligence don’t invest valuable time trying to prove
they are right when they realize they’re wrong. They don’t put their energies
in making excuses, but simply apologize. It is simply saying am sorry, I will
improve next time or I won’t do it again. Apologizing is not a sign of weakness
but in fact it’s a sign of strength and responsibility.
Conclusion
An
organization which is emotionally intelligent has staff who are: motivated,
productive, efficient, aligned with the business, and committed; effective,
confident, likable, happy, and rewarded. Emotional intelligence is applicable
to every human interaction in life, from staff motivation to customer service,
from brainstorming to company presentations, from friendship to family
relations hence the need for Individuals and Companies to invest in building
their emotional intelligence.
